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November 25, 2004

happy thanksgiving

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Posted by asher at 10:04 PM

November 19, 2004

light the menorah

alright guys, no cartoon today. instead a special treat straight from the archives. in the winter of 2001, a fine young gentleman named teddy chestnut and I wrote and performed a little diddy inspired by our fine fine ethnicity/race/religion/culture/whatever of judaism. three years later, it is time for the rest of the world to hear it. if the sound quality is shitty, my apologies; our voices were recorded using a camcorder in my dining room, so what can ya do. anyways, right click on the link and save it if you want to be jewified.

DOWNLOAD LIGHT THE MENORAH

AND NOW, SINCE EVRYONE HAS BEEN ASKING, THE LYRICS:

Now here's a little something we gots to say,
We're gonna spread a little Judaism down your way,
'Cause we rock the star of david instead of a cross,
And when we eat our latkes we like applesauce,
And if you're still not sure why the rhyming's so pure,
You'll be singing the Shema 'till your lips start getting sore,
'Cause we're mixing up the matzo with some rhythm and tone,
And we're spitting it out for you in this microphone,
And if you still think Jews are wack you better take another look-a,
'Cause we're playin with a dreidel and we built a phat sukkah,
We're about to kick the chorus for the very first time, so sit back and relax while we spit another rhyme

*chorus*
Rockin' the yarmulke,
Celebrating Hanukkah,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Reading lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
Get your hands up in the air and light the menorah

Now, the Talmud is a book, the Torah is a scroll,
Hamentashen is a cookie sort of like a jelly roll,
A grogger is a metal toy that's makin' lots of noise,
Bat Mitzvah for the girls, Bar Mitzvah for the boys,
And if you're talkin' to the G-Man better call him Adoni,
Or you're breakin' a commandment and you're probably gonna die,
Or you may just be passed over and you'll get another try,
We be learning that from Moses when he went to Mt. Sinai

*repeat chorus*

Now when I say Shabbat, you say Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, Shabbat Shalom,
Now when I say Oy, you say Vey,
Oy Vey, Oy Vey,
Now when I say Hava, you say Nagila,
Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila
Now when I say keeping, you say kosher,
Keeping kosher, keeping kosher

Seem Seema, who's sayin' prayers on the beema?
I can tell you the four questions with the skills you never seen-a,
I'm reading the prayers straight from the Hagaddah,
My yarmulke is Gucci, my tallis is from Prada,
Now on every Jewish holiday we eat gefilte fish,
True it may look skanky but that junk is mad delish,
Yo don't even step to Passover and be a playa hater,
Just because you're jealous you don't get to have a Seder,
Now on Yom Kippur I'm fasting, but I really do feel fine,
'Cause tonight we're gonna party with some Manechewitz wine,
Haven't memorized the torah, but I still got lots of time,
Even though we've gone to Hebrew School since 1989

*repeat chorus*
*sing hava nagila*

Alef, bet vet gimel dalet he,
another dose of Judaism's comin your way,
It's getting close to Hanukkah so you better say,
Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay,
This junk is mad important like a high holiday,
So get your ass to temple and you better start to pray,
And give your props to Moses, and eat lots of Charoses,
These rhymes are flyin' at you like a giant plague of locusts

*repeat chorus*

Betty and Veronica,
Linda Trip and Monica,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Readin' lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
And if I was a woman then my name'd be Theodora,
And if I was Hispanic then my mom'd be called Senora,
And if I was thrteen I'd be reciting my Haftorah,
And if I had a daughter then I'd probably name her Laura,
When I eat the bitter herb I get a psychedelic aura,
Like Magellan or Columbus I'm a lyrical explora',
I hope this song ends soon because my feet are getting sore-a,
So get your hands up, and light the menorah

We got a lulav, we got an etrog,
When Rosh Hashanah comes we'll be at the Synagogue,
Yo in the rain or in the shine or in the snow or in the fog,
You better let my people go or else I'll plague you with a frog,
But now there's global warming and it's getting kind of hot,
So the Jews are planting trees every year on Tubishvat,
And on Sukkot, like the torah wrote,
We build a little hut so we can practice our mitzvot,
We got the candles over here and the challah over there,
And before we eat in drink we gotta say a little prayer,
You better listen to our message, better get it through your dome,
If you see us Friday night you better say Shabbat Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're in your home,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're eating Honeycomb,
Shabbat Shalom, watching David the Gnome,
Shabbat Shabbat Shalom

*repeat chorus*

-apologies for incorrect spelling, i tried my best.
thanks for downloading, and shabbat shalom bitches

Posted by asher at 03:30 PM

November 17, 2004

fingernails

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Posted by asher at 11:46 AM

November 15, 2004

ripped jeans

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Posted by asher at 11:30 AM

November 14, 2004

B.H.Y.

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Posted by asher at 02:40 PM

November 09, 2004

only survivor

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Posted by asher at 02:32 PM

November 03, 2004

the government's best kept secret...

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Posted by asher at 12:35 PM

November 01, 2004

MIXED BUZINESS

what's up everybody, i just thought i'd share a few (or more than a few) words with everyone. as some of you may have noticed, the site is only growing, and at a pretty awesome pace, which i am thrilled about and as always thank everyone who has done their part to make it possible. now, some of you who perhaps procastinate with great skill and frequency may have noticed that i have not posted as frequently as in the past, and to this i say, school gets hard after the first month; but i am trying my best to keep up and hope you are still enjoying everything and keep telling your friends! also, it has come to my attention that several of you out there have posted my cartoons on other sites and such, and to this i say i am flattered and have no problem with it as long as credit is given where it is due, but all of the cartoons are copyrighted so don't be an asshole and pretend its yours and/or try to make money off of it because i don't think either of us want to deal with that mess.

speaking of making money.....T-SHIRTS ARE COMING!!!!!
but before i start selling them, i need to have an idea both of whether or not you would actually buy one and what design you would most like. They will probably cost between $13 and $20, depending on what exactly you want (i can do sweatshirts too if you guys are interested enough to pay...) SO, if you are interested in a shirt, i would very much appreciate you LEAVING A COMMENT ON THIS POST WITH YOUR FULL NAME AND WHAT CARTOON YOU WOULD LIKE. i can't promise i'll print that cartoon, but i would like to get a grasp on the more popular ones (and i am sorry but seeing as hitler shirts are generally frowned upon we will not be printing "read" at all, even though it is my personal favorite and i know many of yours...) ALSO, PLEASE ONLY COMMENT ONCE, THIS IS NOT A SPACE FOR RIDICULOUS CONVERSATIONS, THATS WHAT THE OTHER 85 CARTOONS ARE FOR. THANK YOU ALL THE TIME, I LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE. p.s. excuse the typos, i have a presentation for class i have not started in 45 minutes...

-asher

Oh yeah....
VOTE OR SHUT THE FUCK UP

Posted by asher at 11:07 AM