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November 19, 2004
light the menorah
alright guys, no cartoon today. instead a special treat straight from the archives. in the winter of 2001, a fine young gentleman named teddy chestnut and I wrote and performed a little diddy inspired by our fine fine ethnicity/race/religion/culture/whatever of judaism. three years later, it is time for the rest of the world to hear it. if the sound quality is shitty, my apologies; our voices were recorded using a camcorder in my dining room, so what can ya do. anyways, right click on the link and save it if you want to be jewified.
AND NOW, SINCE EVRYONE HAS BEEN ASKING, THE LYRICS:
Now here's a little something we gots to say,
We're gonna spread a little Judaism down your way,
'Cause we rock the star of david instead of a cross,
And when we eat our latkes we like applesauce,
And if you're still not sure why the rhyming's so pure,
You'll be singing the Shema 'till your lips start getting sore,
'Cause we're mixing up the matzo with some rhythm and tone,
And we're spitting it out for you in this microphone,
And if you still think Jews are wack you better take another look-a,
'Cause we're playin with a dreidel and we built a phat sukkah,
We're about to kick the chorus for the very first time, so sit back and relax while we spit another rhyme
*chorus*
Rockin' the yarmulke,
Celebrating Hanukkah,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Reading lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
Get your hands up in the air and light the menorah
Now, the Talmud is a book, the Torah is a scroll,
Hamentashen is a cookie sort of like a jelly roll,
A grogger is a metal toy that's makin' lots of noise,
Bat Mitzvah for the girls, Bar Mitzvah for the boys,
And if you're talkin' to the G-Man better call him Adoni,
Or you're breakin' a commandment and you're probably gonna die,
Or you may just be passed over and you'll get another try,
We be learning that from Moses when he went to Mt. Sinai
*repeat chorus*
Now when I say Shabbat, you say Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, Shabbat Shalom,
Now when I say Oy, you say Vey,
Oy Vey, Oy Vey,
Now when I say Hava, you say Nagila,
Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila
Now when I say keeping, you say kosher,
Keeping kosher, keeping kosher
Seem Seema, who's sayin' prayers on the beema?
I can tell you the four questions with the skills you never seen-a,
I'm reading the prayers straight from the Hagaddah,
My yarmulke is Gucci, my tallis is from Prada,
Now on every Jewish holiday we eat gefilte fish,
True it may look skanky but that junk is mad delish,
Yo don't even step to Passover and be a playa hater,
Just because you're jealous you don't get to have a Seder,
Now on Yom Kippur I'm fasting, but I really do feel fine,
'Cause tonight we're gonna party with some Manechewitz wine,
Haven't memorized the torah, but I still got lots of time,
Even though we've gone to Hebrew School since 1989
*repeat chorus*
*sing hava nagila*
Alef, bet vet gimel dalet he,
another dose of Judaism's comin your way,
It's getting close to Hanukkah so you better say,
Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay,
This junk is mad important like a high holiday,
So get your ass to temple and you better start to pray,
And give your props to Moses, and eat lots of Charoses,
These rhymes are flyin' at you like a giant plague of locusts
*repeat chorus*
Betty and Veronica,
Linda Trip and Monica,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Readin' lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
And if I was a woman then my name'd be Theodora,
And if I was Hispanic then my mom'd be called Senora,
And if I was thrteen I'd be reciting my Haftorah,
And if I had a daughter then I'd probably name her Laura,
When I eat the bitter herb I get a psychedelic aura,
Like Magellan or Columbus I'm a lyrical explora',
I hope this song ends soon because my feet are getting sore-a,
So get your hands up, and light the menorah
We got a lulav, we got an etrog,
When Rosh Hashanah comes we'll be at the Synagogue,
Yo in the rain or in the shine or in the snow or in the fog,
You better let my people go or else I'll plague you with a frog,
But now there's global warming and it's getting kind of hot,
So the Jews are planting trees every year on Tubishvat,
And on Sukkot, like the torah wrote,
We build a little hut so we can practice our mitzvot,
We got the candles over here and the challah over there,
And before we eat in drink we gotta say a little prayer,
You better listen to our message, better get it through your dome,
If you see us Friday night you better say Shabbat Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're in your home,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're eating Honeycomb,
Shabbat Shalom, watching David the Gnome,
Shabbat Shabbat Shalom
*repeat chorus*
-apologies for incorrect spelling, i tried my best.
thanks for downloading, and shabbat shalom bitches
Posted by asher at November 19, 2004 03:30 PM