elephantitis of the mind: Season 2 Archives

April 18, 2005

i hope this conclave never ends!

Posted by asher at 08:25 AM

April 05, 2005

little torahs

Posted by asher at 10:44 AM

March 31, 2005

how to dress like you live in Europe

Posted by asher at 07:59 AM

March 21, 2005

my career

Posted by asher at 08:28 AM

March 14, 2005

faux-hawk

sorry guys about the delay, the computer was having problems plus italy can get a tad bit distracting at times. anyways.....

Posted by asher at 09:48 AM

February 27, 2005

just say no

Posted by asher at 06:22 AM

February 15, 2005

civilized gum

Posted by asher at 10:20 AM

February 14, 2005

happy valentine's day!

big news! this weekend, ashersarlin.com officially passed the 100,000 visitor mark! thanks so much for visiting, and please please keep it up and spread the word! ciao
-asher

Posted by asher at 09:16 AM

February 07, 2005

smoke em if you got em

Posted by asher at 10:09 AM

study abroad tip number one

Posted by asher at 10:06 AM

January 17, 2005

Goodbye America, Hello World

Alright everybody, the moment of truth has arrived.

by 5:30pm i will have boarded a plane to italy, where i will be spending the next semester studying art history, beautiful people, orgasmic food, and alchohol. many have asked, "but asher, what of the cartoons?" and to you i say that i will do everything within my power to keep this site up and running. in other words, while i cannot predict or control what sort of conflict may arise when attempting to get these things onto the web from the other side of the world, i will not end the site simply out of being careless or lazy (ummm....at least i don't think so.) know however that there is always a chance that something will be messed up and for whatever reason this is the last post i will get to make until the spring when i return. if that is the case, i give a huge thank you to everyone who has made this site what it is today, especially to mr. sunghoon cho, who convinced me a year ago to buy the webspace and helped me build and maintain the site throughout. but let's hope for the best, and assume that everything will continue as normal (that means KEEP VISITING THE SITE AND TELLING YOUR FRIENDS PLEASE!)

to those of you who want to contact me while i'm in europe, the email from this site works fine (asher@ashersarlin.com). if you want to hear from me or are going to be in the Siena area (and i'm mainly talking to people i actually know, considerring i think they are the only ones that do and probably should care) feel free to email me your contact info and i'll drop you a line.

other than that, i wish everyone a good semester.

-asher

p.s. some complications with getting tshirts printed to sell. i will try to straighten things out from italy. i said try.

Posted by asher at 09:29 PM

January 12, 2005

oh come on, plato must have been a pothead...

Posted by asher at 09:54 PM

January 08, 2005

extreme deodorant

Posted by asher at 07:12 AM

January 05, 2005

happy new year

Posted by asher at 05:27 PM

fo shizzle my dictionizzle

Posted by asher at 05:23 PM

December 22, 2004

vending machine board of trustees

Posted by asher at 09:51 AM

December 20, 2004

peoplepods

In some site-related news, as you can probably see, the comments section has been removed. This was done because certain people could not behave/contain themselves, and I'm sorry if you miss it, but it was becoming more trouble than it was worth. In better news, I have a contact email address under the archives section if you have some sort of burning question or criticism to share with me. Sorry for the delay in posting guys: finals, papers, airplanes, visas, etc.... Anyways...

Posted by asher at 07:06 PM

December 11, 2004

holiday middle school

Posted by asher at 02:19 AM

December 05, 2004

freshjections

Posted by asher at 02:31 PM

November 25, 2004

happy thanksgiving

Posted by asher at 10:04 PM

November 19, 2004

light the menorah

alright guys, no cartoon today. instead a special treat straight from the archives. in the winter of 2001, a fine young gentleman named teddy chestnut and I wrote and performed a little diddy inspired by our fine fine ethnicity/race/religion/culture/whatever of judaism. three years later, it is time for the rest of the world to hear it. if the sound quality is shitty, my apologies; our voices were recorded using a camcorder in my dining room, so what can ya do. anyways, right click on the link and save it if you want to be jewified.

DOWNLOAD LIGHT THE MENORAH

AND NOW, SINCE EVRYONE HAS BEEN ASKING, THE LYRICS:

Now here's a little something we gots to say,
We're gonna spread a little Judaism down your way,
'Cause we rock the star of david instead of a cross,
And when we eat our latkes we like applesauce,
And if you're still not sure why the rhyming's so pure,
You'll be singing the Shema 'till your lips start getting sore,
'Cause we're mixing up the matzo with some rhythm and tone,
And we're spitting it out for you in this microphone,
And if you still think Jews are wack you better take another look-a,
'Cause we're playin with a dreidel and we built a phat sukkah,
We're about to kick the chorus for the very first time, so sit back and relax while we spit another rhyme

*chorus*
Rockin' the yarmulke,
Celebrating Hanukkah,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Reading lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
Get your hands up in the air and light the menorah

Now, the Talmud is a book, the Torah is a scroll,
Hamentashen is a cookie sort of like a jelly roll,
A grogger is a metal toy that's makin' lots of noise,
Bat Mitzvah for the girls, Bar Mitzvah for the boys,
And if you're talkin' to the G-Man better call him Adoni,
Or you're breakin' a commandment and you're probably gonna die,
Or you may just be passed over and you'll get another try,
We be learning that from Moses when he went to Mt. Sinai

*repeat chorus*

Now when I say Shabbat, you say Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, Shabbat Shalom,
Now when I say Oy, you say Vey,
Oy Vey, Oy Vey,
Now when I say Hava, you say Nagila,
Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila
Now when I say keeping, you say kosher,
Keeping kosher, keeping kosher

Seem Seema, who's sayin' prayers on the beema?
I can tell you the four questions with the skills you never seen-a,
I'm reading the prayers straight from the Hagaddah,
My yarmulke is Gucci, my tallis is from Prada,
Now on every Jewish holiday we eat gefilte fish,
True it may look skanky but that junk is mad delish,
Yo don't even step to Passover and be a playa hater,
Just because you're jealous you don't get to have a Seder,
Now on Yom Kippur I'm fasting, but I really do feel fine,
'Cause tonight we're gonna party with some Manechewitz wine,
Haven't memorized the torah, but I still got lots of time,
Even though we've gone to Hebrew School since 1989

*repeat chorus*
*sing hava nagila*

Alef, bet vet gimel dalet he,
another dose of Judaism's comin your way,
It's getting close to Hanukkah so you better say,
Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay,
This junk is mad important like a high holiday,
So get your ass to temple and you better start to pray,
And give your props to Moses, and eat lots of Charoses,
These rhymes are flyin' at you like a giant plague of locusts

*repeat chorus*

Betty and Veronica,
Linda Trip and Monica,
I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica,
Readin' lots of torah,
Dancing lots of horah,
And if I was a woman then my name'd be Theodora,
And if I was Hispanic then my mom'd be called Senora,
And if I was thrteen I'd be reciting my Haftorah,
And if I had a daughter then I'd probably name her Laura,
When I eat the bitter herb I get a psychedelic aura,
Like Magellan or Columbus I'm a lyrical explora',
I hope this song ends soon because my feet are getting sore-a,
So get your hands up, and light the menorah

We got a lulav, we got an etrog,
When Rosh Hashanah comes we'll be at the Synagogue,
Yo in the rain or in the shine or in the snow or in the fog,
You better let my people go or else I'll plague you with a frog,
But now there's global warming and it's getting kind of hot,
So the Jews are planting trees every year on Tubishvat,
And on Sukkot, like the torah wrote,
We build a little hut so we can practice our mitzvot,
We got the candles over here and the challah over there,
And before we eat in drink we gotta say a little prayer,
You better listen to our message, better get it through your dome,
If you see us Friday night you better say Shabbat Shalom,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're in your home,
Shabbat Shalom, when you're eating Honeycomb,
Shabbat Shalom, watching David the Gnome,
Shabbat Shabbat Shalom

*repeat chorus*

-apologies for incorrect spelling, i tried my best.
thanks for downloading, and shabbat shalom bitches

Posted by asher at 03:30 PM

November 17, 2004

fingernails

Posted by asher at 11:46 AM

November 15, 2004

ripped jeans

Posted by asher at 11:30 AM

November 14, 2004

B.H.Y.

Posted by asher at 02:40 PM

November 09, 2004

only survivor

Posted by asher at 02:32 PM

November 03, 2004

the government's best kept secret...

Posted by asher at 12:35 PM

November 01, 2004

MIXED BUZINESS

what's up everybody, i just thought i'd share a few (or more than a few) words with everyone. as some of you may have noticed, the site is only growing, and at a pretty awesome pace, which i am thrilled about and as always thank everyone who has done their part to make it possible. now, some of you who perhaps procastinate with great skill and frequency may have noticed that i have not posted as frequently as in the past, and to this i say, school gets hard after the first month; but i am trying my best to keep up and hope you are still enjoying everything and keep telling your friends! also, it has come to my attention that several of you out there have posted my cartoons on other sites and such, and to this i say i am flattered and have no problem with it as long as credit is given where it is due, but all of the cartoons are copyrighted so don't be an asshole and pretend its yours and/or try to make money off of it because i don't think either of us want to deal with that mess.

speaking of making money.....T-SHIRTS ARE COMING!!!!!
but before i start selling them, i need to have an idea both of whether or not you would actually buy one and what design you would most like. They will probably cost between $13 and $20, depending on what exactly you want (i can do sweatshirts too if you guys are interested enough to pay...) SO, if you are interested in a shirt, i would very much appreciate you LEAVING A COMMENT ON THIS POST WITH YOUR FULL NAME AND WHAT CARTOON YOU WOULD LIKE. i can't promise i'll print that cartoon, but i would like to get a grasp on the more popular ones (and i am sorry but seeing as hitler shirts are generally frowned upon we will not be printing "read" at all, even though it is my personal favorite and i know many of yours...) ALSO, PLEASE ONLY COMMENT ONCE, THIS IS NOT A SPACE FOR RIDICULOUS CONVERSATIONS, THATS WHAT THE OTHER 85 CARTOONS ARE FOR. THANK YOU ALL THE TIME, I LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE. p.s. excuse the typos, i have a presentation for class i have not started in 45 minutes...

-asher

Oh yeah....
VOTE OR SHUT THE FUCK UP

Posted by asher at 11:07 AM

October 31, 2004

happy halloween

Posted by asher at 04:44 PM

October 28, 2004

bloody noses

Posted by asher at 01:31 AM

October 25, 2004

nobody saw....

Posted by asher at 11:10 PM

October 22, 2004

think outside the bun, but not outside the taco

Posted by asher at 08:22 AM

October 19, 2004

you know you sweat the kicks

Posted by asher at 01:59 PM

October 15, 2004

how to win a presidential election

Posted by asher at 12:28 PM

October 13, 2004

live strong

Posted by asher at 11:40 AM

opposite day

Posted by asher at 12:52 AM

October 11, 2004

astronaut ice cream

Posted by asher at 12:26 PM

October 08, 2004

being a good citizen is simply not worth it

Posted by asher at 04:16 PM

October 06, 2004

reeses

Posted by asher at 10:28 PM

ONE WHOLE FREAKIN MONTH! OMG BRB LOL G2G TTYL!!!!

hey everyone, iraq totally sucks, but its been exactly one month since I started this website! Thats right, its hard to believe (tear) but just one (tear) month (tear) ago, you were forced to watch that william hung video for the 4,000th time because you had no other form of entertainment. Do not fear, because as long as we remember the 90's, Judaism, and the fact that nobody does any real work in college, ashersarlin.com will always have a place in your thoughts and your web browser....

Anyways, enough girl talk, lets get down to business. This month has been nothing short of phenomenal in terms of visitors- 1,000 by the end of the first half, 7,500 by the end of the seccond half. All I can say is thanks for visiting and telling all your friends, AND KEEP TELLING ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!! In other news, no pun intended, my cartoons, yes, these VERY cartoons that you've already seen, are now in the Oxy Weekly! YOU CAN ACTUALLY HOLD THEM IN YOUR HAND!! So I've got this idea that if all you people contact the editors or just people that work for your college newspapers, and give them my website name and email (asarlin@oxy.edu)I would be delighted to spread the joy to your student body. Let me know if any of you are interested (or work for a newspaper and are interested too also). Also, the entire first season is off the main page, so if you want to access it you had better click SEASON ONE in the ARCHIVES section.

Once again, thank you all for the proposals, hate mail, party stalkings, email stalkings, and livejournal,/webforum/aim profile links, this site would be nothing without it all. As a token of my gratitude, here is the cartoon that half of you are dying for....

Posted by asher at 10:25 PM

October 05, 2004

careful, your arm could be next

Posted by asher at 10:20 PM

October 03, 2004

each weekend

Posted by asher at 04:48 PM

October 02, 2004

weapons of mass destruction

Posted by asher at 02:25 PM

September 30, 2004

honestly, who could be expected to make the right decision

Posted by asher at 02:41 PM

when i die

Posted by asher at 12:22 PM

September 28, 2004

if i were jesus

Posted by asher at 11:59 PM

only shooting stars break the mold

Posted by asher at 02:38 PM

September 27, 2004

how is this not a cartoon already

Posted by asher at 02:15 PM

September 25, 2004

sars

Posted by asher at 03:48 PM

September 24, 2004

now here is a story all about how...

Posted by asher at 09:43 PM

unhappy yom kippur everyone!

Posted by asher at 03:06 PM

secret agent

Posted by asher at 09:27 AM

welcome to hell

Posted by asher at 12:14 AM

September 22, 2004

rule number one

Posted by asher at 10:57 PM

slim jims

Posted by asher at 02:48 PM

we should have guessed it all along...

Posted by asher at 12:56 PM

September 21, 2004

what our world would look like

Posted by asher at 02:29 PM

September 20, 2004

i totally suck

Posted by asher at 09:09 PM

efficient AND delicious

Posted by asher at 03:26 PM

September 19, 2004

a little less talk

Posted by asher at 01:05 PM

September 18, 2004

prestidigitation

Posted by asher at 04:56 PM

1,000 visitors in less than two weeks!

congratulations to some guy from san fransisco for being the 1,000th visitor to ashersarlin.com! remember everyone, this website is not going to visit itself... that means you all must do your part in spreading the word- if you put my link in your profile and let me know i'll thank you personally on the site. also, some of the earlier cartoons are no longer on the recent entries list. this means that the only way to see them is to click the "september 2004" link under the "archives" section. again, thanks for helping me reach 1,000 visitors in less than two weeks!
-asher
p.s. to express my gratitude, here is a pizza pie riding a tricycle. enjoy!